In Moderation

The lights go off and on as I drive home. Thoughts and memories of days past fade into one as I smile. I'm sorry for doing it again. I keep saying that it happens all the time. I realise it's because I keep pushing it. I know I've done wrong. You don't deserve that. Time passes slowly in your arms. I feel safe. Warm. Content. I do appreciate it. You mean more to me than you know. I really do love you Jess.

Also, thankyou Kat, for being such a good friend. You have been there for me on countless occasions. I owe you so much. You mean the world to me :)

Goodnight world. Sleep awaits.

Happy Easter everybody. I am feeling good! Except for the peice of toast stuck in my throat... cough... eugh. Ok, better :) The last few day have been really good. I think it could be the combination of an awesome birthday party, some decent sleep, some great chats with mates, and (drumroll please) NO SCHOOL NEXT WEEK!!! Yay!!! It's awesome! I can finally find some time to get back to the gym (I haven't been in about 2 weeks) and some time for some serious partying!!! (Not that I don't find time for that anyway, lol) Today I have work, but it's going to be good because the store's closed and the boss said we could wear whatever we want. I am eating toast. Vegemite toast. It's great! Everything is awesome. I was on such a high at my party. My mates girlfriend actually asked me the next day if I had popped an E, lol. (Btw; I don't do drugs... Never tried, don't have the cash to do so, lol)... Well, I must go now, the long quiet aisles and the lonely shelves of Safeway call me, whispering on the wind... PSYCHE~!

Cough cough cough. ouch ouch ouch. My sickness has spread far and wide; quite possibly every one I know has some sort of illness. Granted, mine is pretty much self-inflicted pain. I have this weird internal notion to listen to late 80's/early 90's hip-hop. I also have this notion of getting away for a while. From everything. I feel frustrated, intense, drained, heavy... maybe I've been hit in the head one to many times. Maybe all the drunken falling over is taking it's toll. There are some things that I could do without right now; school, work, pain, homework, Melbourne. I need a way to get out of my head somehow. My head is too... everything. I don't know how to describe it...

Maybe poetry. Everybody else I know has been putting poetry on their blog. Let's see...

"You always want what you can't have
you always have what you don't need
you always need what you can't see
and you can't always see what they mean

Karma comes around and hits you
while you hit the next one
theres always a next one
lined up, ready to be hit

Sometimes you get hit too hard
the bleeding takes its toll
little peices fall away
what is left changes in time

The peices form together
the come back and haunt you
from time to time
little memories of what once was

Happiness is an ocean
always changing
ebbing and flowing with the tide
eating away at the soul"

Some say eyes are the windows to the soul. Others say you can tell what a person is thinking from their eyes. The way they feel is mirrored in them. Why is it that, every now and then, a person comes along who is a mental fortress. Eyes that you can fall into for hours but never get a true meaning out of. It's scary really.

I... I need release. Structure. Grounding. Whiskey... definately... no. No. Bad idea.

In moderation my mum always says. Maybe that should go for everything.

Alrighty, at school at the mo (yet again!). I really should be learning stuff and doing exercises but I really can't be arsed. My body is feeling the pain of many days of bad activities. I am quite literally fucked! I had breakdancing today (It went well, I learnt this routine called the 6-step; ask me and I will show you if you're lucky!) and then spent another 45 minutes or so hanging out with the people from the class and teaching each other new moves. It was so much fun! Everbody has their own specialties. I had a go at the windmill (You know, the spinny one with the legs plying everywhere) but I just wasn't good at it. I need to work on the strength in my arms so I can hold myself up longer. We were also working on handstands and the kinds of freezes you can incorporate in the peak of a handstand. If I get my technique right and practice a lot I'll be walking on my hands in no time :) I'm a fair bit sore at the moment. After the events of Thursday (drinking a lot, falling down, spewing my guts up), Saturday (climbing a mountain, staying out late), Sunday (working 7 hours on 3 hours sleep, performing in front of a dead crowd) and today (breakdancing for 2 hours) I am out of touch with peak physical performance. I should take some time out tonight and tomorrow to rest... yeah, that sounds good. Righto, off for now.

Tchus.

Home from work for lunch, in the middle of a seemingly endless shift. At my wits end yet generally content with the world. There's something to be said about driving home at four in the morning when you have to wake up at eight to work; and that's "you're an idiot". I may be an idiot, yes, but I have fun doing so. Thursday night was crazy. After going to both the Dan O'connel and Pugg Mahones we gave up trying to find a decent place to drink. Thankfully I remembered my mate Tony from Piccolo Mondo down on Lygon street. We went there and were treated to a few free shots and some green hairspray (I still had green ears for the next 2 days). We (with Tony) then went to a little place called Milan. There was a crooner on stage, which was nice, and Tony introduced me to an old italian guy known only as "Padre". Hmm, connections, lol! By that time I think I may of had a bit to much to drink because I don't remember anything after that. Apparently I fell down some stairs (Why am I always falling over? Because you drink too much... Oh, yep, that's why) and spewed my guts up all over Lygon street. We then got a taxi home and I think we had to stop halfway so I could spew again (Damn those free shots!). Friday night I went to South Morang pub. Had a bit of a dance, you know, the usual. I drove that night because I couldn't stomach another dose of the "In Moderation" stuff. Yesterday I had a picnic at Hanging Rock (Didn't get lost though, much to my dismay) with Craig, Tj and Jacinta. We walked up half the mountain; we were way to buggered by then to reach the summit. Hanging Rock is cool, and scary too, especially when you're standing right under it. (DON'T USE YOUR KNEES!!!). Then Tj, Craig and I went to this sports bar called Q. (Cina went to a party). Q is a pretty cool place, except for the fact they kept changing the channel on the tv. There was five minutes to go in an NBL match and the teams were neck and neck and by this time I was right into the game, and the bastards changed the channel! Oh well, the rugby wasn't too bad to watch. Another cool thing about last night was that Craig let me drive his car. He has a VT Commodore and compared to my little Apollo, it fucking flies! I was loving it! Tonight I've got the bloody community festival performance. I'm sort of over the play right now. It's been done and I'm ready to move on. After tonight I hang up my donkey ears and my sword. After the performance I have a date with Jess. I have no idea what she has planned and her mind is so crazy (that's a compliment) that I have no clue what she's got in store for me! Tomorrow I have school then I'm going to go to Sexy Matt's house todo some sketch writing. He's getting a sketch show together to put forward to the ABC. If I'm lucky I'll get the chance to do some comedy and if I'm really lucky I'll get some of my own sketches on the telly. Also tomorrow is my birthday! I'm turning nineteen at about half past five tomorrow night. It's weird really; I don't feel like I'm turning nineteen. I don't know, it's just weird, is all. One of the good things bout getting a year older is a get a pay rise! Cha-Ching! Nice one. So yeah, big dollars and a lot of fun to be had this week for Andrew. My party's on this thursday the 24th. I can't wait, it's going to be a lot of fun! Well, that's enough from me. So until next time, stay warm, stay happy, and for god's sake stay tuned!!!

P.S. I like the word "accentuated" too...

Happy Saint Pat's day!!! We're off to the pub tonight, making my mother proud. Not really much to say really :) Feeling good. Had a shave today. I can feel the wind on my chin now. I used to have goatee (for lack of a more defining word!). I don't know, might grow it back...

Well, have to go. Got a bit o' drinking to do!

Also, Super-special-amazing shout-out to Teej!!!

There are times in one's life that one much choose between two, sometimes more, things. One knows that if a certain thing is picked, the other is gone. I'm in that right now. Not sure what I want. It's scary, to tell you the truth. I know if I go down one path there is no turning back. If I find halfway through that I'm not happy with my decision, there's no changing it. I'd have to just stick it out. Things aren't as they seem. On the one hand, one is filling but at the end of the day, is it better? The other feels better, but I'd probably want more. And what of decisions with in desicions? In one case, beef or chicken? In the other, Vegemite or peanut butter? Dinner never ceases to both confuse and enthrall me...

(I think noodles tonight)

Super-special shout-outs to Jacinta and Melanie, and a big hug for Kat :)

Work work work work work. I work today. 3 til 6. In the liquor store. It's great. I do nothing! I stand there and plan what things I'm going to drink next time I drink. Because today is labour day I get really awesome pay as well. Double-time and a half. That's like over thirty bucks an hour! My birthday is in exactly one week! I'm going to turn nineteen. That's like almost twenty! I can't wait. My party's going to be at Pugg Mahones the irish pub. So everyone should go there. And drink Snakebites (greatest drink in the world!). Snakebites is made up of half beer (VB or Draught), half cider, and a smidget of raspberry cordial! So yummy. And only four dollars a pint! I can taste it now... but I digress.

Digress.

Er.

Ok, Done.

Why do the simplest of questions turn into the most frustrating (and might I add, petty) arguments? Genuine concern is shown and is blown way, way out of proportion. I'm used to it though. This is what happens. With most people really. Yesterday, it happened to me twice. Two different people. Except one reaction was a slap in the face and the other was a slap somewhere else. Meh. Work time.

So yeah, Noonie died. Couple of days ago. I feel... not much at all really. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. Um, well. I knew it was going to happen. It's been coming for months now. Funeral's on wednesday. Seems like its gonna be... yeah. Going out now. Bye

I wake up. Somehow I feel like I shouldn't be witnessing 11 am today. Head hurts a bit. Legs even more. I sit at the computer. 15 new emails! Someone's popular. I do a quick scan. 2 emails from people I know. The rest? Well... If I wanted to consolidate my student loans, lengthen my penis, meet singles in my area, pay of my debts, legally walk away from those bills or get a free condoms sampler, then today would be my lucky day.

3 AM... Living up to the 'In Moderation' thing. Night out with the boys tonite, quite drunk. Ended up in Frostbites. Crazy place... Lesbians I tell you, lesbians. Or something. Sure looked like lesbians. Didn't spend too much money tonight. Maybe twenty bucks. Good price for a night like this one. Crazy crazy stuff. Hands feelin all light and shit. Head floating. Mouth in need of water. Must cut off feet. To much dancing. I know my body's gonna hurt tomoro. I can feel it comin on now. I need nacho's... or something cheesey. Maybe a burger. There is no possible way I can access a burger right now. Dammit. I could make nacho's tho. Should I risk trying to work te oven. I'm working the computer, the oven can't be too much harder. Thankfully I still have a firm grasp of the English language. That, and the backspace key... and a spell-checker... I'm glad I didn't lose my beanie tonight. Not that 'm in the habit of losing beanie's; just that it's happened before. Such a dilemma earlier trying to decide what beanie to wear... The black casual one or the brown funky one? So many decisions... Or do i go without a beanie? Should I do my hair? No, no, can't be fucked doing my hair, beanie it is. Brown one; goes with the shoes. And the pants. Possibly the jacket too. The Jacket. "The" Jacket. My best one. Only brought out when the occasion calls for it. Tonight... tonight the occasion called for it. One of my mates from work, Chris, is going to Europe next week. For a few months. Lucky bastard. Yep. Germany, England, Spain, all the big ones. Probably all the small ones too. I wouldn't mind going to Europe. I'd go to England first; visit the family over there (At least I'd have a free place to stay), then I'd hit Italy, because I'm a wog, have to visit the homeland (Oh yeh, homeland, like third generation wog counts for anything...) (shut up!), then Germany (I have a strange attraction to girls who've been or are going to Germany.. don't ask), then Spain (Fiesta... Yes), Then Sweden (Snow, Meatballs, Porn... in no specific order), Portugal (it's there?), Ireland (The Irish chicks always get to me!), Norway (the fjords are beautiful), then I'd probably dip down into Africa, you know, go on safari, see the pyramids, all that. Then I'd come home and travel round Australia for a bit. I've always wanted to really. Every city has their own special things. Melbourne is my favourite though. I've been to Sydney, too crowded and stuff. Love Melbourne... gotta love Melbourne. You can get pasta any hour of the day, guaranteed. Sometimes I drive in there just to get pasta. Granted, I could make it myself, but I only realise this when I'm halfway there, and by that time it's not worth turning back. Pasta is pretty much my most favourite food. A close second is chicken parmagiana. I actually judge restaurants by how good their chicken parmagiana is. If it's not up to scratch I don't eat there again. Well, maybe. After a restaurant has passed the chicken test it is then put through the steak test. Porterhouse steak that is. Medium-Well Done, yet still juicy. Nice pepper sauce. A few vegies on the side. If the restaurant fails in both areas, it is doomed. Also if chips are lax I don't look kindly on it either. Well, this post is huge and I must sleep so til next time, same bat channel, same bat time, this is Andrew, Doctor Ew., signing of from another misadventure. Adieu.

Alrighty, at school (again) at the moment. Big gap between classes (again) and bored as hell (... as always!). Had my first breakdancing class at lunchtime. Lots of poppin and lockin; I didn't really know what they were until today! There's also these things called 'freezes' which I seem to be good at. Your basic freeze pretty much looks like you've tried to do a handstand and you've paused as your falling down! So basically I'm good at falling down.

School has been crap so far today. In Applied Electricity I learnt... nothing! Nothing that I didn't learn in year 10 anyway. Voltage, current, resistance. Yep. Next? No, no more today, just more resistance... ok, done. Now what? Um... you can go. Right.

Last night I experienced one of the wierdest things in my life. As you may or may not know it my grandmother is in hospital suffering from brain tumours. She has been for the past four or five months and it keeps getting worse. Last night most of the family were in the room with her because the nurse told us she'd be gone within the hour. Three hours later we're all still sitting there listening to her gurgling. It's the most horrendous sound. Like water boiling. Every so often she'd stop and we'd all stop talking and look over. After a few seconds she'd start breathing again and we'd continue talking. She's still kickin today. It's just like her too, she never gave up when she was healthy and I know that a few brain tumours weren't going to put her away so easily. She's always been a fighter and she's still fighting from what I know.

Very morbid sitting there last night. The dim lights of the hospital, the wierd musty smell. Long corridors and rooms full of intrigue and mystery. Also, a lot of Mills & Boon. Good food though.

I'm in for the long haul tonight, four hours of Mechatronics, a subject that I don't know a lot about. programmable logic circuits, boolean algebra. Fun, fun, fun!

Better go...

Going,

going,

gone...

1.Copy and Paste in your blog
2. BOLD anything true
3. Leave plain anything untrue
4. Add a new one to the end


001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to. (I've always watched too much tv!)
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping. (I should be right now!)
005. I own lots of books.
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
007. I love to play video games.
008. I’ve tried marijuana.
009. I’ve watched porn movies.
010. I have been in a threesome. (kind of, it's a wierd story...)
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I believe honesty is the best policy.
013. I have acne free skin. (I wish!)
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton. (Who?)
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I’ve been told I have a nice butt.
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I’ve never broken anyone else’s bones. (Ibroke my mates ankle once, but thatr was so he'dbe able to get out of a test)
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain.
024. I’m paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.
030. I have semi-long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.
035. I have a twin.
037. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look.
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
040. I know how to do cornrows.
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings.
043. I think prostitution should be legalized.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
045. I have cheated on a significant other.
046. I have a hidden talent.
047. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
048. I think that I’m popular.
049. I am currently single.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat.
055. I would classify myself as ghetto.
056. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
057. I’m obsessed with my LJ blog!
058. I don’t hate anyone.
059. I’m a pretty good dancer.
060. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington...
061. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
062. I have a cell phone.
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
067. I have never been in a real relationship before.
068. I’ve rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone.
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future.
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. I’ve had the cops called on me before.
074. I bite my nails.
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I’m not allergic to anything deadly.
077. I have a lot to learn.
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest "Friday" movie.
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
081. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
083. I have tried alcohol before.
084. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past.
085. I own the "SOUTH PARK" movie.
086. I have avoided assignments to be on Xanga or Livejournal my blog.
087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I love my best friend.
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story".
096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
098. I have dated a close friend’s ex.
099. I’m happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. Had a crush on somebody you have never met.
102. I’ve kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I’m procrastinating on something right now.
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
110. I’m obsessed with the tv show "Lost."
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
112. I am an entirely different person around different people.
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think ramen is the best kind of food in the whole world.
115. I am suffering of a broken heart.
116. I am a nerd. and proud of it!!
117. No matter where I am or who I’m with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.
119. I don’t change who I am for someone else.
120. My heart resides below my feet.
121. I am a Senior in High School.
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have gastritis.
124. I have nothing better to do with my time.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126. Most people call me by my middle name.
127. I once stole a music stand.
128. Pi confuses me.
129. I love NASCAR!
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week. (and i dont get paid for it)
132. I have mono. (Mono .NET, punk!)
132. I don’t have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
134. I’m only wearing underwear.
135. I had more than one Thanksgiving dinner this year.
136. I’ve drove to a different city to see a band I like.
137. I am the most overanalytical person I know.
138. I believe in wasting time.
139. I don’t listen to much music.
140. I have a shoe fetish.
141. My favorite holiday isn’t Christmas.
142. I prefer weeks off of work instead of days here and there.
143. I love sex
144. I wanna go home
145. I don’t know what I would do without my friends.
146. Christmas threw up in my dorm room and I love it.
147. Friends is my favorite TV show.
148. I can touch my nose with my tongue.
149. On most days, I like my job.
150. I need a new piercing or tattoo
151. Been embarrassed by the number of people you’ve slept with.
152. I still use the phrase "When I grow up"
153. I have a need to use phrases and words from the 80’s to "relive my youth."
154. I’ve given birth without pain killers of any sort.
155. I would do anything for my husband.
156. I go to the gun range to relieve frustration. haha
157. My name is Mindy, but I’ve never met Mork.
158. I want to get my drivers lisence next year.
159. My passion is art
160. 160 questions was a waste of my time.
161. I unicycle.
162. it's been 2 years since i've been to the big day out
163. i've never been in a relationship on valentines day before
164. I love chicken parma!!!

Okay. Back home, went to the pub tonight. Quite drunk. Typing real slow. Thankyou Tj, you were there for me when I needed someone the most. Almost falling asleep at the keyboard. And to all of you who realised that I deleted 21 posts because of self-loathing and that's exactly what the last post was... I know. I know ok? I just needed to let go; to unwind.

"If you call on me tomorrow, you shall find me a grave man." Mercutio, 'Romeo & Juliet'.

Jacinta; call me or something.

So, first blog while getting tipsy, and pissed off. You know, just the usual pissed off at the world sort of stuff. The general issues; relationships, money, mental and physical health! Sick and tired of getting fucked around by... anyone. I used to not understand why people held grudges or didn't get over things. I kinda do now.

This sort of feeling is not usually in my nature. Everybody who knows me knows this. Yet, every now and then (now it's particularly now) I get into this mindset. You know the one, you crack out the black clothes, you put on the heavy metal cd (which is skipping by the way, dammit!!!!) and you have a couple.

"Open up your eyes..." - Queens of the Stone Age, 'Regular John'

So, if anyone has ever wanted to lay a punch on me, now would be the best time to lay it. I am prepped and ready to go.

Try it.

Ok, First post in just over a year. Yes, yes, I know it's been a long time coming and no, it probably hasn't been worth the wait! Unless you love me :) I've decided to start afresh with the whole blogging thing so I've deleted all previous posts (They were full of whining and bitching on my behalf).

Well, where are we now? I'm at TAFE studying robotic and mechatronic engineering (I'm physically at school at the moment) and I'm having fun with it. I get to program microprocessors and robotic arms and other cool stuff like that; I'm well on my way to taking over the world with my army of super-robots!!! But I digress... I'm also still working at safeway, and with no foreseeable better jobs anywhere near me it looks like I'll be there for a while. It ain't that bad though, and it's paying for my car.

My car. Not the car I would love to have, but still my car. I am driving a '92 Apollo because the motor of my '75 Cortina broke down. So sad! The Corty was a beautiful car; leaky sunroof, rusty floor, comfiest seats in the world!!! Not as reliable as the Apollo though, but with a hell of a lot more style! One day I will have a Cortina again, except with a better engine, and brakes... and suspension.

I have recently purchased a new hard drive, so I've been going crazy with downloading craploads of episodes of TV programs (Lost, Battlestar Gallactica, Stargate, Star Trek, and numerous other geeky crap). Along with this is various movies, programs, games and e-books. I mean, what else would I do with my time?

Special shoutouts to: Jess, Kat, Matt, Alex, Erin, Tj and lastly (but definitely not leastly) Jacinta.